"Don't take yourself so seriously" is a request that has been more than familiar to me since my childhood. And the second part of Jesus' commandment to love ("You shall love your neighbor as yourself") was forgotten. In recent decades, this attitude has receded into the background. "Do-gooder" became a swear word for someone who misjudges the demands of reality and gets bogged down in a sentimental attitude that is detrimental to the social fabric.

Charity - what is it?

Charity means helping others without expecting any benefit or benefit. The term comes from the Torah. Today we often speak of “philanthropy” instead. In the first Corona wave, many people reported that they saw altruistic behavior.

Sure, there were other things, but that's not the issue now.

What do we really know about the effects of charity, about the power of altruism and the effects on our own happiness in life? Science has some insights that strongly contradict life's focus on maximizing personal utility.

5 reasons why you should act out of charity more often

1. Charity makes us happy

We now know that habitual altruism is one of the psychological strategies that enhances our personal well-being. Whether it's five "good deeds" or giving money to someone else, your happiness increases. More so than if you had spent the money on yourself. Brain regions are activated that are particularly activated when it comes to pleasure, social connection and trust.

This also applies to regular, charitable, unpaid activities. We do n't get used to the positive effects. With activities that we do for our personal pleasure, there is a habit effect very quickly.

If we are there for others of our own free will, our well-being not only increases in the short term, such as with more sensual pleasures, but in the medium to long term. Especially people who were previously less satisfied with their lives feel happier.

Are happier people simply more likely to volunteer, perhaps because they can give more easily? A long-term study in Great Britain speaks against this. She showed that getting involved in volunteering led to greater well-being and not the other way around. Incidentally, participants aged 16-24 and 55-74 benefited the most from volunteer work.

Even if the story is told in our society that we humans are fundamentally selfish beings, the reward center in our heads becomes active in human cooperation and not in competitive situations. It is not only active when we cooperate , but also when others cooperate with us .

Sonja Lyubomirsky says, “So whether you're buying gifts, volunteering time, or giving money to charity over the holidays, your donations can be much more than just a year-end chore. They can help build stronger social bonds and even start a cascade of generosity through your community. And don't be surprised if you benefit from a large dose of luck in the process.”

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Generosity

Generosity often leads to others being generous to you as well. Maybe it's the person you gave your charity to, maybe it's someone else. But basically the sentence applies: as you call into the forest, it resounds out.

Giving or receiving a gift can evoke feelings of gratitude. The more personal it is, the more likely it is. Therefore: instead of buying someone a gift certificate, accompany them to the store and buy the gift with them.

Research has found that gratitude is an integral part of happiness, health, and social connections. Gratitude has been shown to increase feelings of connection with our friends or loved ones.

Therefore, charity creates closeness, both in the giver and in the receiver. Cohesion and the knowledge of mutual dependency in the social community grow.

"Being kind and generous makes you perceive others more positively and warmly"

Sonja Ljubomirsky

2. Charity is good for our physical health

Doing something kind towards other people strengthens the immune system by causing changes in the gene expression that regulates the immune system. Sick and elderly people also benefit from it. Volunteering has also been shown to improve the health of people living with chronic diseases, including HIV and multiple sclerosis.

The stress reduction associated with charity also likely plays a role in improving physical health. People who provide social support to others also have lower blood pressure than people who don't.

Two US studies found that old people can significantly reduce the risk of dying in the next five years. The drug is called charity. Charity took the form of practical help for friends, relatives or neighbors or emotional support for one's spouse.

Interestingly, getting help was not associated with a lower risk of death.

3. Charity is a protective factor against burnout

Surprisingly, in the psychological understanding, compassion is also a help to ourselves. Research by social workers shows that it helps prevent burnout.

Unlike empathy, compassion is not about sharing a feeling, but about caring for another person and wanting to do something for them. Compassion relies more on the ability to take the other person's perspective from a friendly base.

Empathy means that we feel the same as the being we perceive. Empathy and compassion in this psychological understanding correspond to different neuronal activation patterns.

It is easy to feel overwhelmed when we see other people suffering and feel sorry for us. Imagine a first responder in an emergency situation. Empathy would mean saying, "The pain must be terrible." Compassion means doing whatever is necessary while speaking kindly to the sufferer.

Compassion is an attitude or attitude rather than a behavior. And it can be encouraged and consciously expanded. When you are talking to someone who is suffering, active listening can help you offer them comfort and support without having to solve their problems.

4. Charity is contagious

Even better, when we give, we don't just help the immediate recipient of our gift. We also create a ripple effect of generosity around. Because when a person behaves generously, that inspires observers of the scene to behave generously themselves later. Altruistic behavior can travel through three waves: from me to my observer, who then behaves generously, and is observed by someone who then also reacts altruistically.

Social psychology proves that any person can influence the more generous behavior of dozens or even hundreds of people by spreading a wave in relational networks. To do this, he or she does not have to know or meet some of them.

Physician Vivek Murthy writes, “Kind behavior and generous acts are among the most powerful ways to reduce loneliness and increase well-being.”

From an economic point of view, Ernst Fehr puts it in a nutshell: “If the prevailing belief is that others will cooperate, then the cooperation of each individual is high; if there is a belief that the others are not cooperating, then no one is actually cooperating.”

3 boundaries of charity you shouldn't cross

1. Too little awareness of one's own needs

We tend to equate charity with altruism. We and our needs do not come first, but the needs of others are the focus. This can go as far as the implicit demand to sacrifice oneself for others – a notion traditionally associated with motherhood.

 

The stress of "having to function" easily leads to frenzied thoughts and irritability, which tend to put a strain on relationships. The cure is self-compassion . Research shows that people in caregiving professions, such as midwives and nurses, were less exhausted when they had more self-compassion.

When they were very self-critical , the opposite was true. The nurses or therapists then had more burnout symptoms and were colder and more impatient with the patients and clients.

When we take care of ourselves, we look to other people for social and practical support. Therefore, a group with stronger cohesion in the workplace helps. Connectedness with other people and self-compassion help to prevent burnout and indifference towards those we want to treat with charity (compassion fatigue). They reduce the effects of stress.

2. Too little awareness of the needs of others

An exciting question is always what my conversation partner actually needs. Before I "be there for others," I should make sure that I'm actually responding to the needs of others. It is easy to see young children struggling not to get help. "Do it alone" is a demand that is constantly being put forward.

 

When we get "help" where we don't want it, we feel patronized. Well-intentioned support that leads to reduced self-determination is more likely to create unhappy feelings.

Another popular variation is creating a sense of obligation or guilt in the recipient of the "charity". When "support" makes the supportee feel weak, vulnerable, or a burden, it is mutually detrimental.

Another popular variation is creating a sense of obligation or guilt in the recipient of the "charity". When "support" makes the supportee feel weak, vulnerable, or a burden, it is mutually detrimental.

3. Too little voluntariness

A reluctance to help is one size smaller than burn-out. When kindness is expected or demanded, it can lead to resentment.

One of the limits of commendable charity is that we don't feel taken advantage of, pressured, or cornered by an aggressive request. If we perceive what we are doing as too big or burdensome for others, we feel exploited. For example, if we help a neighbor with whom we have no close relationship to move for days on end, this can disrupt the relationship rather than help it.

Similarly, things backfire when we don't feel competent, or when the kind act didn't help the recipient as much as we hoped. So maybe we could even start acting more selfishly. All of this can clearly contribute to poorer well-being in the short and long term.

The basis for the positive effects of charity is perceived autonomy: I can decide whether and what I do or not. In other words: it is not the "good deed" itself that determines whether it has positive effects for us, but our attitude towards it. Different people will perceive this differently.

Therefore, an evidence-based recommendation is to explicitly remind people who are asked for help that it is their decision whether to help or not. Then they feel happier after helping out. They provide better quality help and feel a closer connection to the person they helped.

Which is better for you: to do something for you or charity?

Recent research results provide clarification on this question. People who deal with charity and people who do something good for themselves then feel happier and are happier with their lives. You feel more connected to others and enjoy observing human kindness.

But there are also differences: people for whom charity is important perceive themselves as more sensitive, filled with charity and grateful. And only active charity made people feel less angry, less isolated, more in control, and more purposeful in life. But the practice of "pampering yourself" also had a unique benefit: it made people feel less exhausted. Which is also not to be despised.

The good life requires balance, a balance between caring for yourself and helping others. Just as focusing one's life on the pursuit of one's own happiness tends to make one unhappy, so charity that loses sight of oneself is harmful to us.